Editor’s Note: The following article is an opinion piece that reflects the views of the author.
Content Warning: This article contains a discussion on rape and sexual violence.
If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow? If you had the choice to save one friend or ten strangers, what would you choose? The world is filled with hypothetical questions that our parents, teachers and friends often pose to us for deeper conversations. Most times, the answer depends on the moral compass of the person being asked.
The question asked to strangers on the street by TikTok interviewers was the following: Would you rather be stuck in a forest with a man or a bear? The answer may seem obvious: man. But the answers on social media surprised many. The majority of women say bear. This sparked an online debate with many video commentaries. If I were to choose man or bear, I would have to go with the bear.
This article is not a hate-on-men speech. It is an educational opinion about a social issue. I want to use this discussion to open up a greater conversation about rape and sexual assault. Why is it so prevalent? Let’s look at the data to understand the majority’s preference for the bear. Rape and sexual assault affect people of all ages, racial groups and genders.
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), one in five women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime, and one in four men experience some kind of sexual violence in their lifetime between ages 11 and 17. I believe the hypothetical man and bear can help us see how many people this affects. For both men and women, the statistics show that the majority of sexual violence is from a family member or acquaintance, with most happening early in childhood.
You’d think with the large number of people leaning towards bears, we as a society would sit down and ask: Why would the majority of women mostly pick a dangerous predator over a fellow human? We did. But instead of taking it as a chance to change, people (mostly men) took it as an insult, a challenge even. Men across the internet became offended and started leaving comments like: “Ask the bear for help” under a video of a gym girl making a joke about not being able to reach something or “Maybe the bear will take you on a date” under a video of a woman talking about her dating experiences.
And this brings me to my next point: the inability of men to see themselves as victims when they are. This comes out of the “boys are tough” narrative that is perpetuated over generations of men. The idea that “boys don’t cry” or “it’s different for boys” is a narrative that needs to be erased. For both men and women, sexual assault and rape are often reported between ages 11 and 17. These are children!
Society pushes the idea that all men love the idea of being with “older girls” (the abusers), and if they don’t, that makes them “gay” or means they really are not men. I believe the statement “I’m a boy, so it’s different” holds the same weight and pushes the same victim-blaming idea as “Well, what was she wearing?”. And because of this idea that men have to repress their trauma, they react negatively to others sharing their stories. They think of them as weak when in reality, it’s just a projection of what they feel about themselves because they envy their vulnerability.
This goes back to an earlier question: Why is it so prevalent? Why do we as humans prey on the weak? Because that’s what it is when a person rapes someone, man or woman, they are taking advantage of the person’s inability to fight back. Hurt people hurt others. This is in no way an excuse for abusers, but a reason. 51.1% of women report sexual violence by an intimate partner, and 52.4% of men are abused by someone they know. We need to find a solution at the source. The home, the schools, the parks, the clubs. The places where we as humans are supposed to come together to experience love, learning and fun are now places where people receive lifelong trauma.
On social media, this became a man vs. woman issue when it should be a human issue. This is why I chose the bear. Because we humans, as a species, have a lot of work to do.
If you are a victim of rape or sexual assault, I encourage you to reach out and use the resources available.
You are not alone.
